if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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