I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
