I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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