I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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