No awkward lesbian experiences without me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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