would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
