just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
