$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
