: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
