You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
