At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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