I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
