I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
