The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
