i think my tv is drunk
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
