i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
