I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
