Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
