Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
please don't ironically join a cult
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