Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
