and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
