Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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