eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
