My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
