So many bounce houses so little time
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
