you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
