The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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