he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Please don't give away my fajitas
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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