Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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