I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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