I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
