So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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