did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
