hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
