between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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