oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
