Duck Duck Cougar?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
