This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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