the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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