That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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