giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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