So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
