The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
