drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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