woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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