She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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