There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Never underestimate the power of titties
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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