I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
