every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
