Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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