have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
